i realize how bad i am at this

i am horrible at keeping this up.  obviously- it was august the last time i posted and now here it is november.  the time has dragged on and on.  days go so slowly, the weekends even more so.  i try to now be home a lot on the weekends so i don't have to sit around all alone and dwell, but then i'm out all weekend it's too busy and i'm not taking any down time to relax and take care of myself.  oy a fine line i'm walking on staying busy or sitting around and dreading another night of going to bed alone and waking up alone.  we're down to 83 days until i get to see you again, and quite frankly those 83 days can't pass quickly enough.  i can't believe that we've been together for 4 thanksgivings and apart for 2, together for 4 christmas' and apart for 2.  same for new years eves, and my birthday.  while it is hard to admit we've been apart for as many holiday's as we've been together, it makes me happy because it means that you are going to be with me for the rest of our lives on holidays. you are doing this to give you and me and our family the best future together.

i love getting to skype with you.  you always make me laugh and every day you do so many things to remind me why i fell in love with you.  you know this week has been the week from hell and you've been able to calm me down, talk some sense into me and also make me laugh.  "some days it's your day to get shit on.  what matters is how you clean yourself up".  oh husband- you are truly my favorite person in the world :)

i love you and promise i will try and do a better job in keeping this up and i will get caught up on your scrapbook :p

forever and always my love

Just a few days has passed....

So it's been just a few days since I last posted.  Let's recap everything that has happened since I last posted- You got to your base, we threw a surprise shower for Dana and London, Dana had London, Dana got sick and recovered from having the baby.  I started working out and have worked out every day for 14 days now seeing little to no weight loss (effing awesome).   I got a new classroom and start teaching Pre-K on Monday (eek!!)  I still miss you more and more each day but also know each day you're gone bring us one day closer to being home together.  We get to talk all the time, and while it may be short conversations they are what keeps me going some days.  Whenever I get a phone call and hear your voice it's amazing, and even more amazing is how happy you seem to be despite dealing with the morons on your base.
Church has been amazing this series.... It's a series on wisdom and has been challenging me each week, but I can say having listened and prayed and dwelled on the sermons, I think it's safe to say that with all wisdom one friendship that meant a lot to you and me is now officially over.  It's crazy to think in the time when you and I need close friendships more than ever with you and I being apart, they were willing to let the friendship fall apart.  Are we really old enough to be at the age where friendships are ending?  I feel like that's such a grownup thing to have happen.  That we are drifting apart because we are at different stages in our lives.

I love you babe.  You are the best husband God could've put in my life and the best thing that ever happened to me.  I still get told that we must be crazy for you going away for a year, but it's the best thing for us.  You are kicking ass at your job and proving to them why they should give you a job for life, and I cant' wait to see what God has in store for us come next June!

forever and always my love....

ugh titles....

even in school, i hated giving titles to my essays or assignments.  what's the point?  if i give you a good title, it might give away the post.  if i give you nothing, you might not read it.  just read the damn post ;)

so i have the option to look at pageviews and see what countries have viewed my pages and i think that's when i truly sunk in how far away you are from me. i saw some random country in the middle of the world and had a "WTF" moment until i realized it's you.  you're so far away.  literally half a world away from me right now.   i've been fine since you left- haven't cried, not too lonely, missed you an insane amount but still able to function.  something about tonight however has left me almost paralyzed and incapable of doing anything.  i don't want to go in the room because i know you're not there.  you won't be here in the morning when i wake up.  you won't be here at lunch tomorrow or after work.  and that sucks.

you are amazing to me.  i read a status on facebook a month or so ago from someone we know who said "Why do people call their spouses amazing.  it's not like they're curing cancer or anything that actually qualifies as amazing".  i beg to differ.  they've never been apart from their spouse, and quite frankly i think giving up a year with me and your family and friends is quite an amazing thing to do, especially at 25.  granted, the paycheck helps ;) but seriously i know plenty of people who wouldn't be able to do it.  i have had people tell me over and over again that they would never be able to have their spouse do what you're doing.  i remember how thankful i was that Iraq was over and you were home, but really i think that 6 months was only to prepare us for what was to come.  we fell madly in love while you were gone and planned a wedding, and got a taste of what it's like to be apart from your other half.

i'm lonely.  i don't say that to make you feel bad about leaving or being gone, but because i can only imagine how you feel.  i at least can drive down the road to see your family, i can call mine and be to them in an hour on plane if need be.  i have quinn.  you have no one over there.  i know you're getting to know they guys you work with and they seem cool (if i met any of them while facetimeing haha) and you seem to be ok with them, but you don't have any of your friends.  i can't imagine being in a country without my friends knowing life was continuing on in america without me.  i guess that's how i know you're stronger than i am in some aspects.

i love the flowers you sent me yesterday.  it was the perfect ending to our second anniversary.  i can't wait to have you home next year.  who knows- maybe you'll actually land in raleigh on our third anniversary.  wouldn't that be the best present ever?

sleep well my love and i'll talk to you soon.  forever and always 6.26.10

Waiting

This may come as a total shock to you, but I'm not good at waiting. I have no patience at all. Shocking I know :p The past 20 hours have killed me because I don't know where you are. I know you're not in American and you're somewhere between here and Afghanistan, but that's all I know. I hate it. I find myself always wanting results and answers right this minute, even though I know waiting will make the results just as good of not better. I did this with my engagement ring, Christmas presents, vacation ideas, my hair and also with my relationship with God. Oh, and doctors. I want an answer when I first come to see you, not three weeks later. Waiting until you're at your base will be amazing because I can email you and possibly Skype, but I wish I had an answer as to where you are now. I am working on becoming more patient while you're gone and praying for answers and letting things happen instead of forcing them. Let's see God move a mountain this year. I reason the Internet that if my bone doesn't heal in SIX MONTHS they usually just do surgery to remove it because it's not really needed. I wonder how much the bone weighs? :p Who knows- maybe ill have one less bone with you come home :-) I love you babe. Forever and always my love

not even really gone yet....

i can't wrap my head around the fact that you're leaving or that you are technically gone, in the sense that i won't see you again until your 30 day vacation, but yet i can pick up the phone and talk to you anytime i want.  sometimes i feel like you're working late at the restaurant still and you'll be home soon and when i wake up in the morning you'll be next to me....  going to bed isn't hard, it's the waking up that's hard to do because we go to bed apart a lot.  i would go earlier than you and you would come later, whether i was awake or not.  but whenever i woke up in the morning you were right there next to me.  sleeping or awake, it was such a comfort to have you next to me.  now i just have a cat who tries to smother me whenever i sleep past my first alarm because he's so hungry.

i don't remember if you have the gungor "beautiful things" album, but if you do, listen to "We Will Run".  If not, youtube it and listen to it.  a) the second half of the song is completely instrumental and it is AMAZING.  b) it's not a complicated song to learn the words to, but holy cow they are some powerful words.

I love you, not only for who you are, or the things you do for me, but the person you make me.  You are my everything.

Forever and always my love....

.....

So I left swim practice, had this GREAT blog post with something that was really on my mind and a whole sermon-like explanation/rambling about it, and do you think I can remember it now?  Of course not.

So rather than trying to come up with another great idea or something else to write about, I'm going to leave you with this.....

I have to go to bed two more times and have 1 full day to get through and then we'll be together for a whole stinkin' week :)

I got asked today if I am excited to have a week off.  Of course I am.  We all need breaks from work to maintain our sanity and still enjoy doing it.  Am I even more excited that it is a whole week off with you? Absolutely.  The one thing I said that shocked a few people (is it possible people are still shocked by me speaking my mind?) is that yes, I am excited to spend a week with you, but I wish it were for different reasons.  I don't know why this surprised them, everyone has known for 7 weeks now that you are leaving for a whole year :(  but I guess they didn't expect a two-part answer.  Oh well.  Maybe I should write it down for them and then they can interpret my feelings and words however they want.  Whatevs.

All I know is that I love you, I cannot wait to spend this week together with you even if we have like a million and one things to do, and even more importantly, I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.  In the grand scheme of how long we're going to be married- one year apart is a cake walk.  I know I'll kick myself for saying that at some points, but it's true.  People go through a lot worse than being apart for a year.  It'll fly by and when you come home I'll be 30 pounds lighter just like last time you were gone.  It's like magic ;)

Forever and always my love.

Wow it's been too long

What has it been- three weeks now?  So I'm slacking (shocking :p)  I don't know why I'm not writing anymore.  I think some of it is because writing on here makes me process what it's going to be like when this is our only form of communication.  It sucks not hearing your voice.  I live for those thirty second conversations, my random stories to you about cutting my foot on the door and getting attacked by spiders  and beetles while trying to grill with no gas in the propane tank :( .  I still am slightly in denial that you are leaving for a year.  Yes you've been gone for a month (and are coming home in four days!!!!!!!!!!!) but i've talked to you at least twice a day every day since you've been gone and we had the most amazing surprise weekend in NY last weekend which was AMAZING!!!!

You are my everything babe.  I love you more than life itself and can't imagine every being without you, but I know that this year will fly by.  I was at the pool getting my tan on, and talked to a few different people.  Everyone agreed that yes, a year sucks, but in the grand scheme of things isn't a year a small price to pay for being debt free, actually having a savings account again and also having a good career path once you're done?  I am glad that people are finally understanding why you are taking this job and I am supporting you.  I have a job that I love and I can't imagine my life without this job, and it's so nice to finally hear you excited about a job again.  Plus, this might be our ticket out of Apex finally ;)

I love you forever and always.  Almost two years ago we got married.  I will miss you on our anniversary, but we will have so many more anniversaries together.  Who knows where we'll be on our third anniversary- maybe floating around the Mediterranean  on a cruise, or on some exotic island.  Look at where we were a year ago, and imagine where we will be in another year.

4 1/2 days and I'll be on my way to the airport to pick you up!!!!!!!!!!!!  Love you babe

Amendment one

So I'm not gonna lie, I haven't followed much about this amendment much before a week or so ago, mainly because I thought it was only an amendment to define marriage, and honestly, I'm still torn about that.  However, the more i listen to it and read and see people's opinions and judgmental the more I had to research.  And the more I have realized that people feel that they should be in charge of making everyone else's decisions.  The Bible commands us to worry about ourselves and trust that the only judgment that matters is God's judgment.  so why do we sit here and judge everyone else.  We're supposed to pull the plank out of our eye before worrying about the splinter in someone else's eye.  (Man I feel like a preacher).  That was one of the first sermon's we heard at Crosspointe, and one of the ones I still struggle with.  We need to fix ourselves before we can worry about others.  As we fix ourselves we will come to realize that the issues we've been having with others aren't nearly as big as we've been making them out to be.

You know this is one thing I've been having a hard time with in direct relationship with one of our friends and their choices.  I don't understand how people can make awful decisions that screw up their life and the things they once stood for, but isn't that what people said about you and I getting married so quickly and so young?  People still don't understand half the choices I've made- hell, I still dont' understand half the choices I've made in life.  I don't understand at what point in our life we start feeling like we can judge other people.  Is it a learned behavior by children from their parents?  Is it engrained in us?  How do we stop this vicious cycle of us always being worried about everyone else instead of being worried about ourselves?  I know sometimes people like worrying about others and pointing out their flaws because it makes us seem better, but I don't understand.  I see it already in the little ones at school and church, but I still see it in adults all the time too.  We have a justification for it too.  We call the cops on a speeder because they might harm someone if they crash, but weren't we just speeding behind them?  We tell the teacher when another kid is cheating, but aren't we looking at someone else taking a test to realize they're cheating?

I don't get it.  I know a lot of what I'm venting on right now I have to work on, but that is one of the things I'm working on because it bothers me so much when others do it, so I'm trying to stop.  i suppose I should start with our friend and his other half to try and practice accepting them and not judging their choices cuz Lord knows I don't understand them but hey do I understand my own decisions?  Not really.

As always, I'm opinionated and I ramble, but didnt' you fall in love with all of me?  ;)

Good night my love.

Forever and Always

Just another Monday....

Whenever we talk on the phone I ramble.  I really suppose I should change that to "When I talk I ramble".  Is this shocking to anyone who knows me?  Absolutely not.  I always feel guilty whenever I hang up the phone because I have rambled on for like half an hour, but I have realized I just ramble because the more things I say, the more reaction I get out of you and that's all the more words I have to hang on to.

I remember after Grammie passed away, I so quickly forgot her voice and that sucks.  I can't believe that I haven't heard her voice since '06, and even more I can't believe how quickly I forgot what it sounds like.  I am so afraid that in the next year I am going to forget what your voice sounds like.  Is this possible?  No.  There are things I do or say and I can hear you in my head reacting (and I'm usually 99% right.  And 50% of the time you would laugh at me, 48% of the time you would give me a "Really?"  and the other 2% you would just stare and do your "wha, wha, never mind") ;)  I pray we do get a few phone calls while you are gone overseas just so we do get to connect on that level too.

I love you my dear. I have loved you since our first date to the most awful concert in my life, and I will love you till the day I die.

Sleep well my love.  Forever and always

Yours truly.

Sunday #2

Church was hard today.  I of course picked an empty seat where there weren't people around me in hopes of Josh and Nikki showing up and actually sitting with me, but then the people that sat around me were all adorable, kissy, huggy, smiley couples.  Is that what we look like to other people?  Cuz man they're nauseating to look at.  ;)

The sermon was awesome, as always.  The music, fantastic.  Being alone, awful.

I got the house cleaned today.  I think I overdosed Vader on catnip, he hasn't really moved in the past few hours other than to turn over periodically.  Whoops.

I don't really know what to write other than the fact that I'm exhausted and waiting for the washer to be done so I can go to bed is taking forever.  Things seem to take so much longer when you're waiting to go to bed.  I suppose it's all our perspective in that moment.  This past week took forever to go by, which makes me wonder if the next four weeks are going to take too long to go by for our last week together.  But if I don't think about it, will it go faster?  But then if I'm not thinking about it, I'm not thinking about you, and I can't stand not thinking about you.  Boo silly mind games :(

The washer just finished and I'm off to pass out.  It's 11:11- make a wish.  I know what I'm wishing for, the same thing I've wished for at  every 11:11 I've caught since you left.

Forever and always my love

Whitney

Stormy Weather

Today started out as a gorgeous, albeit humid, spring day.  I got the most AWFUL semi-tan/sunburn/something on ONE ARM despite standing in shade or in direct sunlight, never at an angle to the sun.  Thankfully I'll be at the pool tomorrow straightening out my tan lines at the pool :)

Then the day turned to a nasty, stormy, thundering and lightening crappy day.  Typical southern summer day with the weather :)

Rainy weather makes it hard to go to sleep though because those were the days we would just hang on the couch, cuddling, being lazy.  Really, any day being away from you is hard.  But crappy weather makes it even harder.

I wish you were here to go to church with me tomorrow.  We are so blessed to have found an amazing church that we love, and I'm even more excited to get involved and continue to grow, but there is a part of me that feels super guilty that I'm here getting involved in our church and you're up in Boston alone and then overseas without the church.  Sure you can get the sermons on iTunes or I can send them over to you, but it's not the same as being in church feeling that environment and seeing everyone, even if we aren't close to anyone.

So check this guy out.  I don't even remember who he is, but I stumbled upon him online the other day, and he makes this face in EVERY PICTURE he's in.  Eyebrow half raised, semi-smirk one eye half closed.  EVERY TIME.  You probably won't get nearly as good a laugh out of it as I did, but man should we try and find a pose like this for every picture from now on?

I love you my dear.  Sleep well sweet dreams.

forever and always
Whitney

Food for thought

I was listening to K-Love this morning as I was getting ready as always, and I heard an interesting thought from one of their pastors who sometimes does little "Daily Food For Thoughts".  He said, why don't we treat our relationship with God like our relationship with our spouse?  We work at our relationship with our spouse to make it stronger and better everyday, so how come when we become a Christian, we have a tendency to stop working at it or just work at it when times get tough?  It struck me hard, because we talk at least once a month about things we are doing right, things we would like to change and what we have accomplished in the past month or so in our relationship, and it's one reason why we are as strong a couple as we are today.  I'm quite proud of the fact that we've made it almost two years with no major fights, I don't remember you ever yelling at me, and I've only yelled at you in a fight maybe a few times that I remember.  (I clarify I haven't yelled at you in a fight all that much because I yell at you every time you drive it seems :p).  We discuss the downfalls of our relationship with God as a couple, and also things we would like to work on personally, so my challenge to me as an individual, you as an individual and us as a couple is to grow our relationship stronger and closer to God both by ourselves and together in the next year.

Do I even need to say anything about this picture??

I hope you have tons of fun tonight with your friends/coworkers tonight.  Be smart, be safe and hopefully all the camels are locked up in Boston ;)

I love you my dear.

Forever and always.  

Hot

Really that's all I can sum up today as.  It's the first truly hot day of the summer, and I'm glad I didn't decide to walk to work today.  I probably would've just left there ;)

We go well together ya know that?  We work well together, especially around the house.  You pick up, I clean.  You wash clothes, I fold mine ;).  You load and wash the dishwasher and I unload it.  You know everything about the fish tank and I sit around looking at it.  I see Vader's water is low, you fill it.  So I know some things are petty like filling the water and cleaning the litter box, but it is so nice to come home and see that you have done so much for me.  It makes everything easier.  I know I thank you for doing that stuff, but I truly am thankful for coming home and seeing how much you have done.  I give you crap for not doing stuff, but I'm realizing how little crap i should've been giving you and how much appreciation I should've been giving you.  On that note, I am striving to be a better wife while you are gone.  It seems so simple, and probably I should've have waited until I was 26 to actually start doing this stuff, but I pray I am in the habit of picking up my clothes off the floor and cooking real grown-up food and taking out the trash.  All those things that I have been too lazy to do if we're completely truthful.  My prayer for us this year is that even though we're apart, we will grow stronger as people and as a couple to make our marriage that much better.  (Not that I can imagine it any better than it already is, even though I'm sure you have at least one idea ;p).

I'm watching Tanked (damn you fish tanks) and they are building a king-sized headboard fish tank.  It's at Furniture Land South which is about an hour away from us.  Road trip?  And no- this will NEVER go up in our house.  Although it is AMAZINGLY awesome.

Have you gotten a chance to listen to this past Sunday's sermon yet?  I know the Wi-Fi sucks at the hotel so I wasn't sure if you got a chance to get it yet.  I haven't listened either.  This is the first Sunday since we found Crosspointe that I haven't heard the sermon whether online or in person.  We should fix that.  I have yet to hear a bad sermon, and I am interested to hear what it was.

I miss you.  I know I will probably say this every day, but I'm pretty sure I'll also find a different thing about you to miss everyday.  Have fun with training tomorrow and the rest of the week.  You are amazing my love.

Forever and always

Whitney

Tuesday

I think the thing I'll miss the most when you're overseas isn't you being in the house or the hugs, cuddles, kisses or just generally being close, it's hearing your voice.  Having you next to me to talk to, to watch TV with, and make fun of the lyrics of the songs on Dancing With The Stars.  I can call you right now and hear your voice, but once you go over there, I won't just be able to pick up the phone and call just to hear an "I love you" or a "You're being crazy :p" or an "it'll be ok".  You are my support, my strength and my voice of reasoning.

Vader is wanting to help me write this right now, let's see if I can get him to say something- viuc cvhch nn bmm- I think that roughly translates to "I can't believe you left me with this crazy woman".  I could be wrong though.  ;)

Let's go to Tahiti when you get back.  I think we could handle watching this sunset for a week or two or four every night.  But really, I think i can watch just about anything as long as you're next to me.  We could even catch a few fish for our dream basement dolphin tank ;)

I miss you my love.  I am so thankful to hear how excited you are about your new job.  I really haven't seen you this excited about anything in a long time, which makes it easier to say goodbye and have you go.  I am counting down the days until we get our last week together, even if we can't get all the way over to Tahiti ;).  

Goodnight my love.  Sleep well sweet dreams and I love you forever and always.

Wifey

Day 1

Well, I have officially survived a whole day without you (unless I die in my sleep ;p).  It wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be.  The hardest part was waking up and not having you here to kiss good morning and goodbye.  It was also hard to come home, see your car and know that I can't kiss you or hug you.  Vader is also depressed even more today.  He's either harassing me to be loved, or he's wandering room to room meowing and looking for you.

When you first took the job, I felt like I wasn't allowed to complain or be upset because we chose this job.  I actually had people tell me "but you and he chose for him to take this job".  Just because you took the job and you're leaving doesn't mean I can't be sad and upset about the fact that you're gone for the next month followed by a year.  Today, however, everyone was asking how I'm handling it.  I tell them that if I don't dwell on it I'm good.  People were more understanding about my feelings today, which made it easier I think.

I saw a red Charger tonight and it was beautiful.  Made me want to buy one.  I know the day will come and I will enjoy the 6+ months of driving it all by myself ;)

I also decided I want to include a picture a day because hey, why not add another thing for me to ramble on about.  ;)  

When I went to get my massage, they had the coolest sink ever.  Like, made me want to put it in my purse and put it in my dream home cool.  Once I turned it on though, I realized how awful the actual design of the sink was.  The faucet was so close to the edge of the sink and the sink was so flat that the water ran everywhere on the counter.  It definitely is not going in our house though, because this girl hates cleaning and anything that makes me have to clean more I hate.

Babe, I love you more than anything in this world and I cannot wait until we have our week together before you leave.  We get to celebrate our two year anniversary together, even if it is two weeks early.  It will be amazing no matter where we go as long as we're together.  You're amazing.

Love you, forever and always

April 29

I know I promised you an awesome present while you're gone overseas, but I hadn't thought about what to do you while you're still in America.  I ramble all the time in person, so why not document it here for you to read every night :)  If you want you can even call me and I'll narrate for you ;)

Given the fact that you left today which sucked, it was a pretty good day.  I also came to a few conclusions.  The first one was that I should always remind you that the shower head isn't on so when you get it you aren't trying to figure out what's going on.  Second conclusion was that no one should ever see 4:30 AM voluntarily or involuntarily.  It sucks.  Third conclusion was that when we have teenagers, we will make them respect others, and not allow them to laugh at a crying girl at the airport at 5AM (yea that happened).  Fourth conclusion- Vader is a bed hog.  He's the reason we need a California King bed :p

I miss you like crazy.  I know we don't always do things together because we do enjoy our free time, but man being out getting spoiled today with my massage and pedicure sucked because I knew you weren't going to be at home when I got there.  It wasn't as bad as I thought though.  Vader was here to greet me and stalk me all afternoon.  He misses you.  We need kitty Xanax for him to help him cope :)

You are an amazing man and I am proud of you.  This year is going to be trying, but it's going to be rewarding.  The job opportunities when you get back are going to be amazing, and for that I am excited.  If you get homesick I'll put Vader in a box and send him over to you for a visit (joking.... maybe ;)  ).

I can't wait to hear from you tonight, and find out when you have class each day.  Go visit more of Boston and check out our future houses ;)  I love you forever and always.

Whitney