ugh titles....

even in school, i hated giving titles to my essays or assignments.  what's the point?  if i give you a good title, it might give away the post.  if i give you nothing, you might not read it.  just read the damn post ;)

so i have the option to look at pageviews and see what countries have viewed my pages and i think that's when i truly sunk in how far away you are from me. i saw some random country in the middle of the world and had a "WTF" moment until i realized it's you.  you're so far away.  literally half a world away from me right now.   i've been fine since you left- haven't cried, not too lonely, missed you an insane amount but still able to function.  something about tonight however has left me almost paralyzed and incapable of doing anything.  i don't want to go in the room because i know you're not there.  you won't be here in the morning when i wake up.  you won't be here at lunch tomorrow or after work.  and that sucks.

you are amazing to me.  i read a status on facebook a month or so ago from someone we know who said "Why do people call their spouses amazing.  it's not like they're curing cancer or anything that actually qualifies as amazing".  i beg to differ.  they've never been apart from their spouse, and quite frankly i think giving up a year with me and your family and friends is quite an amazing thing to do, especially at 25.  granted, the paycheck helps ;) but seriously i know plenty of people who wouldn't be able to do it.  i have had people tell me over and over again that they would never be able to have their spouse do what you're doing.  i remember how thankful i was that Iraq was over and you were home, but really i think that 6 months was only to prepare us for what was to come.  we fell madly in love while you were gone and planned a wedding, and got a taste of what it's like to be apart from your other half.

i'm lonely.  i don't say that to make you feel bad about leaving or being gone, but because i can only imagine how you feel.  i at least can drive down the road to see your family, i can call mine and be to them in an hour on plane if need be.  i have quinn.  you have no one over there.  i know you're getting to know they guys you work with and they seem cool (if i met any of them while facetimeing haha) and you seem to be ok with them, but you don't have any of your friends.  i can't imagine being in a country without my friends knowing life was continuing on in america without me.  i guess that's how i know you're stronger than i am in some aspects.

i love the flowers you sent me yesterday.  it was the perfect ending to our second anniversary.  i can't wait to have you home next year.  who knows- maybe you'll actually land in raleigh on our third anniversary.  wouldn't that be the best present ever?

sleep well my love and i'll talk to you soon.  forever and always 6.26.10