ugh titles....

even in school, i hated giving titles to my essays or assignments.  what's the point?  if i give you a good title, it might give away the post.  if i give you nothing, you might not read it.  just read the damn post ;)

so i have the option to look at pageviews and see what countries have viewed my pages and i think that's when i truly sunk in how far away you are from me. i saw some random country in the middle of the world and had a "WTF" moment until i realized it's you.  you're so far away.  literally half a world away from me right now.   i've been fine since you left- haven't cried, not too lonely, missed you an insane amount but still able to function.  something about tonight however has left me almost paralyzed and incapable of doing anything.  i don't want to go in the room because i know you're not there.  you won't be here in the morning when i wake up.  you won't be here at lunch tomorrow or after work.  and that sucks.

you are amazing to me.  i read a status on facebook a month or so ago from someone we know who said "Why do people call their spouses amazing.  it's not like they're curing cancer or anything that actually qualifies as amazing".  i beg to differ.  they've never been apart from their spouse, and quite frankly i think giving up a year with me and your family and friends is quite an amazing thing to do, especially at 25.  granted, the paycheck helps ;) but seriously i know plenty of people who wouldn't be able to do it.  i have had people tell me over and over again that they would never be able to have their spouse do what you're doing.  i remember how thankful i was that Iraq was over and you were home, but really i think that 6 months was only to prepare us for what was to come.  we fell madly in love while you were gone and planned a wedding, and got a taste of what it's like to be apart from your other half.

i'm lonely.  i don't say that to make you feel bad about leaving or being gone, but because i can only imagine how you feel.  i at least can drive down the road to see your family, i can call mine and be to them in an hour on plane if need be.  i have quinn.  you have no one over there.  i know you're getting to know they guys you work with and they seem cool (if i met any of them while facetimeing haha) and you seem to be ok with them, but you don't have any of your friends.  i can't imagine being in a country without my friends knowing life was continuing on in america without me.  i guess that's how i know you're stronger than i am in some aspects.

i love the flowers you sent me yesterday.  it was the perfect ending to our second anniversary.  i can't wait to have you home next year.  who knows- maybe you'll actually land in raleigh on our third anniversary.  wouldn't that be the best present ever?

sleep well my love and i'll talk to you soon.  forever and always 6.26.10

Waiting

This may come as a total shock to you, but I'm not good at waiting. I have no patience at all. Shocking I know :p The past 20 hours have killed me because I don't know where you are. I know you're not in American and you're somewhere between here and Afghanistan, but that's all I know. I hate it. I find myself always wanting results and answers right this minute, even though I know waiting will make the results just as good of not better. I did this with my engagement ring, Christmas presents, vacation ideas, my hair and also with my relationship with God. Oh, and doctors. I want an answer when I first come to see you, not three weeks later. Waiting until you're at your base will be amazing because I can email you and possibly Skype, but I wish I had an answer as to where you are now. I am working on becoming more patient while you're gone and praying for answers and letting things happen instead of forcing them. Let's see God move a mountain this year. I reason the Internet that if my bone doesn't heal in SIX MONTHS they usually just do surgery to remove it because it's not really needed. I wonder how much the bone weighs? :p Who knows- maybe ill have one less bone with you come home :-) I love you babe. Forever and always my love

not even really gone yet....

i can't wrap my head around the fact that you're leaving or that you are technically gone, in the sense that i won't see you again until your 30 day vacation, but yet i can pick up the phone and talk to you anytime i want.  sometimes i feel like you're working late at the restaurant still and you'll be home soon and when i wake up in the morning you'll be next to me....  going to bed isn't hard, it's the waking up that's hard to do because we go to bed apart a lot.  i would go earlier than you and you would come later, whether i was awake or not.  but whenever i woke up in the morning you were right there next to me.  sleeping or awake, it was such a comfort to have you next to me.  now i just have a cat who tries to smother me whenever i sleep past my first alarm because he's so hungry.

i don't remember if you have the gungor "beautiful things" album, but if you do, listen to "We Will Run".  If not, youtube it and listen to it.  a) the second half of the song is completely instrumental and it is AMAZING.  b) it's not a complicated song to learn the words to, but holy cow they are some powerful words.

I love you, not only for who you are, or the things you do for me, but the person you make me.  You are my everything.

Forever and always my love....