i realize how bad i am at this

i am horrible at keeping this up.  obviously- it was august the last time i posted and now here it is november.  the time has dragged on and on.  days go so slowly, the weekends even more so.  i try to now be home a lot on the weekends so i don't have to sit around all alone and dwell, but then i'm out all weekend it's too busy and i'm not taking any down time to relax and take care of myself.  oy a fine line i'm walking on staying busy or sitting around and dreading another night of going to bed alone and waking up alone.  we're down to 83 days until i get to see you again, and quite frankly those 83 days can't pass quickly enough.  i can't believe that we've been together for 4 thanksgivings and apart for 2, together for 4 christmas' and apart for 2.  same for new years eves, and my birthday.  while it is hard to admit we've been apart for as many holiday's as we've been together, it makes me happy because it means that you are going to be with me for the rest of our lives on holidays. you are doing this to give you and me and our family the best future together.

i love getting to skype with you.  you always make me laugh and every day you do so many things to remind me why i fell in love with you.  you know this week has been the week from hell and you've been able to calm me down, talk some sense into me and also make me laugh.  "some days it's your day to get shit on.  what matters is how you clean yourself up".  oh husband- you are truly my favorite person in the world :)

i love you and promise i will try and do a better job in keeping this up and i will get caught up on your scrapbook :p

forever and always my love

Just a few days has passed....

So it's been just a few days since I last posted.  Let's recap everything that has happened since I last posted- You got to your base, we threw a surprise shower for Dana and London, Dana had London, Dana got sick and recovered from having the baby.  I started working out and have worked out every day for 14 days now seeing little to no weight loss (effing awesome).   I got a new classroom and start teaching Pre-K on Monday (eek!!)  I still miss you more and more each day but also know each day you're gone bring us one day closer to being home together.  We get to talk all the time, and while it may be short conversations they are what keeps me going some days.  Whenever I get a phone call and hear your voice it's amazing, and even more amazing is how happy you seem to be despite dealing with the morons on your base.
Church has been amazing this series.... It's a series on wisdom and has been challenging me each week, but I can say having listened and prayed and dwelled on the sermons, I think it's safe to say that with all wisdom one friendship that meant a lot to you and me is now officially over.  It's crazy to think in the time when you and I need close friendships more than ever with you and I being apart, they were willing to let the friendship fall apart.  Are we really old enough to be at the age where friendships are ending?  I feel like that's such a grownup thing to have happen.  That we are drifting apart because we are at different stages in our lives.

I love you babe.  You are the best husband God could've put in my life and the best thing that ever happened to me.  I still get told that we must be crazy for you going away for a year, but it's the best thing for us.  You are kicking ass at your job and proving to them why they should give you a job for life, and I cant' wait to see what God has in store for us come next June!

forever and always my love....

ugh titles....

even in school, i hated giving titles to my essays or assignments.  what's the point?  if i give you a good title, it might give away the post.  if i give you nothing, you might not read it.  just read the damn post ;)

so i have the option to look at pageviews and see what countries have viewed my pages and i think that's when i truly sunk in how far away you are from me. i saw some random country in the middle of the world and had a "WTF" moment until i realized it's you.  you're so far away.  literally half a world away from me right now.   i've been fine since you left- haven't cried, not too lonely, missed you an insane amount but still able to function.  something about tonight however has left me almost paralyzed and incapable of doing anything.  i don't want to go in the room because i know you're not there.  you won't be here in the morning when i wake up.  you won't be here at lunch tomorrow or after work.  and that sucks.

you are amazing to me.  i read a status on facebook a month or so ago from someone we know who said "Why do people call their spouses amazing.  it's not like they're curing cancer or anything that actually qualifies as amazing".  i beg to differ.  they've never been apart from their spouse, and quite frankly i think giving up a year with me and your family and friends is quite an amazing thing to do, especially at 25.  granted, the paycheck helps ;) but seriously i know plenty of people who wouldn't be able to do it.  i have had people tell me over and over again that they would never be able to have their spouse do what you're doing.  i remember how thankful i was that Iraq was over and you were home, but really i think that 6 months was only to prepare us for what was to come.  we fell madly in love while you were gone and planned a wedding, and got a taste of what it's like to be apart from your other half.

i'm lonely.  i don't say that to make you feel bad about leaving or being gone, but because i can only imagine how you feel.  i at least can drive down the road to see your family, i can call mine and be to them in an hour on plane if need be.  i have quinn.  you have no one over there.  i know you're getting to know they guys you work with and they seem cool (if i met any of them while facetimeing haha) and you seem to be ok with them, but you don't have any of your friends.  i can't imagine being in a country without my friends knowing life was continuing on in america without me.  i guess that's how i know you're stronger than i am in some aspects.

i love the flowers you sent me yesterday.  it was the perfect ending to our second anniversary.  i can't wait to have you home next year.  who knows- maybe you'll actually land in raleigh on our third anniversary.  wouldn't that be the best present ever?

sleep well my love and i'll talk to you soon.  forever and always 6.26.10

Waiting

This may come as a total shock to you, but I'm not good at waiting. I have no patience at all. Shocking I know :p The past 20 hours have killed me because I don't know where you are. I know you're not in American and you're somewhere between here and Afghanistan, but that's all I know. I hate it. I find myself always wanting results and answers right this minute, even though I know waiting will make the results just as good of not better. I did this with my engagement ring, Christmas presents, vacation ideas, my hair and also with my relationship with God. Oh, and doctors. I want an answer when I first come to see you, not three weeks later. Waiting until you're at your base will be amazing because I can email you and possibly Skype, but I wish I had an answer as to where you are now. I am working on becoming more patient while you're gone and praying for answers and letting things happen instead of forcing them. Let's see God move a mountain this year. I reason the Internet that if my bone doesn't heal in SIX MONTHS they usually just do surgery to remove it because it's not really needed. I wonder how much the bone weighs? :p Who knows- maybe ill have one less bone with you come home :-) I love you babe. Forever and always my love

not even really gone yet....

i can't wrap my head around the fact that you're leaving or that you are technically gone, in the sense that i won't see you again until your 30 day vacation, but yet i can pick up the phone and talk to you anytime i want.  sometimes i feel like you're working late at the restaurant still and you'll be home soon and when i wake up in the morning you'll be next to me....  going to bed isn't hard, it's the waking up that's hard to do because we go to bed apart a lot.  i would go earlier than you and you would come later, whether i was awake or not.  but whenever i woke up in the morning you were right there next to me.  sleeping or awake, it was such a comfort to have you next to me.  now i just have a cat who tries to smother me whenever i sleep past my first alarm because he's so hungry.

i don't remember if you have the gungor "beautiful things" album, but if you do, listen to "We Will Run".  If not, youtube it and listen to it.  a) the second half of the song is completely instrumental and it is AMAZING.  b) it's not a complicated song to learn the words to, but holy cow they are some powerful words.

I love you, not only for who you are, or the things you do for me, but the person you make me.  You are my everything.

Forever and always my love....

.....

So I left swim practice, had this GREAT blog post with something that was really on my mind and a whole sermon-like explanation/rambling about it, and do you think I can remember it now?  Of course not.

So rather than trying to come up with another great idea or something else to write about, I'm going to leave you with this.....

I have to go to bed two more times and have 1 full day to get through and then we'll be together for a whole stinkin' week :)

I got asked today if I am excited to have a week off.  Of course I am.  We all need breaks from work to maintain our sanity and still enjoy doing it.  Am I even more excited that it is a whole week off with you? Absolutely.  The one thing I said that shocked a few people (is it possible people are still shocked by me speaking my mind?) is that yes, I am excited to spend a week with you, but I wish it were for different reasons.  I don't know why this surprised them, everyone has known for 7 weeks now that you are leaving for a whole year :(  but I guess they didn't expect a two-part answer.  Oh well.  Maybe I should write it down for them and then they can interpret my feelings and words however they want.  Whatevs.

All I know is that I love you, I cannot wait to spend this week together with you even if we have like a million and one things to do, and even more importantly, I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.  In the grand scheme of how long we're going to be married- one year apart is a cake walk.  I know I'll kick myself for saying that at some points, but it's true.  People go through a lot worse than being apart for a year.  It'll fly by and when you come home I'll be 30 pounds lighter just like last time you were gone.  It's like magic ;)

Forever and always my love.

Wow it's been too long

What has it been- three weeks now?  So I'm slacking (shocking :p)  I don't know why I'm not writing anymore.  I think some of it is because writing on here makes me process what it's going to be like when this is our only form of communication.  It sucks not hearing your voice.  I live for those thirty second conversations, my random stories to you about cutting my foot on the door and getting attacked by spiders  and beetles while trying to grill with no gas in the propane tank :( .  I still am slightly in denial that you are leaving for a year.  Yes you've been gone for a month (and are coming home in four days!!!!!!!!!!!) but i've talked to you at least twice a day every day since you've been gone and we had the most amazing surprise weekend in NY last weekend which was AMAZING!!!!

You are my everything babe.  I love you more than life itself and can't imagine every being without you, but I know that this year will fly by.  I was at the pool getting my tan on, and talked to a few different people.  Everyone agreed that yes, a year sucks, but in the grand scheme of things isn't a year a small price to pay for being debt free, actually having a savings account again and also having a good career path once you're done?  I am glad that people are finally understanding why you are taking this job and I am supporting you.  I have a job that I love and I can't imagine my life without this job, and it's so nice to finally hear you excited about a job again.  Plus, this might be our ticket out of Apex finally ;)

I love you forever and always.  Almost two years ago we got married.  I will miss you on our anniversary, but we will have so many more anniversaries together.  Who knows where we'll be on our third anniversary- maybe floating around the Mediterranean  on a cruise, or on some exotic island.  Look at where we were a year ago, and imagine where we will be in another year.

4 1/2 days and I'll be on my way to the airport to pick you up!!!!!!!!!!!!  Love you babe